Why I Resisted Learning Braille

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Hand moving over text in braille

Editor's note: To celebrate the life of Louis Braille (1809-1852), who made reading and writing possible for people who are blind, we’d like to acknowledge his young entrepreneurial skill that changed "night writing" into a code of dots we know today as braille. VisionAware peer advisor Maribel Steel, shares an excerpt from her unpublished memoir. She reflects on her teen years when her sight mysteriously worsened and how facing the question, "to braille or not to braille," was met with personal uncertainty.

Physical Changes

As a shy adolescent, I harboured a yearning to be "normal" like the other girls at school. But my body began changing in frightening ways as if I was trading skins with a chameleon. My childhood, which once had been predictable and happy, now threw me into a state of complete uncertainty. I couldn’t understand how it was possible for my physical image to change. It seemed that puberty had swallowed up my young identity and transformed me into a new spotty alien I hardly recognized. Who was that creature staring back at me in the mirror?

Trying to Hide

In my growing teenage restlessness, I was having difficulty seeing the blackboard at school. I didn’t want to mention my predicament to anyone in my peer group for fear of being ridiculed; I wanted to remain inconspicuous, except this was already made impossible by having an unusual name for an "aussie"—with the girls calling me everything from Arabella, Annabelle, and Marylou to Marigold and Tinkerbell!

It was easier to contain my feelings of doubt by ignoring the dimming of objects and the blurring of words in my school books. I blamed all my physical changes on puberty and wrestled with all the discomfort growing underneath my skin. So, my reluctance to sport a new image I didn’t want to wear continued to grow.

The passage between two states of seeing often confused my family as my vision varied between clarity and blurriness, between seeing on some days and not seeing on others. I drifted between needing help and wanting independence. I felt betwixt and between being surprisingly normal and painfully different. Even with all this oddness, I never suspected what was really going on within the thin layers of my retinas.

The Diagnosis

By the time I was 15, the onset of a mysterious loss of sight prompted my parents to seek a medical diagnosis. After visiting 17 ophthalmologists and other medical specialists, my parents persuaded me to undergo tedious tests of all kinds. During a prolonged stay in the hospital, my family learned of my pending blindness—I had an incurable eye disease, retinitis pigmentosa (RP).

woman using older model video magnifier

Becoming Resourceful

It became a time of adopting new skills in order to function in a sighted classroom. I used handheld magnifiers to read textbooks and a tape recorder accompanied me to various lessons. I copied the classroom notes using large pads of writing paper with a dark black ink pen in order to make them legible. In the evenings, I spent hours meticulously re-writing the same work as neatly as possible into my homework book for the teacher to mark the next day. Sometimes, my mother sat by my side and colored in those parts of my work I couldn’t see, adding her artistic flair to brighten up the pages as well as lighten our hearts. Then came the question.

To Braille or Not To Braille?

I came home from school on one particular day when my mother presented me with a huge sketch pad. "Look inside," she smiled, "I’ve been busy all day creating a surprise for you."

As I turned the pages as cautiously as if opening a precious archive, a series of rectangular boxes with purple circles in different spacings caught my eye.

"It’s the braille alphabet," said my mother proudly. "I’ve copied out all the letters in large format so that you can see to learn them."

I was more taken by the beautiful symmetry of her work, the precise lines, the exact gaps between boxes, the fullness of six circles in different formations more than I could accept the concept of learning braille.

"But, Mom. I don’t want to learn braille. I’m not blind."

"Darling, you don’t have to decide now," she said. "Maybe just keep it in your school bag."

Learn braille? It was not in my wildest dreams to accept that one day I might not be able to see.

man and woman trying to move a very large rock

The Lesson

Looking back now, I realize that the truth for me was too hard to face. I didn’t want to accept change, not even with my mother’s love and patience to guide me on the path of uncertainty. I stuck to my determined nature to persist in other ways and fortunately, having learned to touch-type, it has served me well in today’s age of assistive computers. But I can’t help wondering how much easier life would have been to put away my fear and take up reading braille in the early years of my sight loss. But, as the saying goes, it’s never too late to try!

Would you like to share your experience of learning braille? Did you feel it was a challenge? Did it open up your world? Please leave a comment here.

Learn More About Braille

Four Misconceptions to Learning and Reading Braille

An Overview of Braille

All About Braille: Six Dots, Four Perspectives

AFB Celebrates 200 Years of Braille!


Topics:
Independence
Low Vision
Personal Reflections
Reading
Social Life and Recreation
There are currently 4 comments

Re: Why I Resisted Learning Braille



"I'm not blind" is a common reason people give me for not learning braille, and I wonder if when you said that to your mom, if someone had been there to tell you that braille could be a way of reading with no limits for you if your perception of it would have been different. With your fingertips and your brain, instead of your eyes and your brain, would that adolescent girl have seen the potential? It's impossible to say, now. However, I wish we could spread the message that using the tools associated with "blind" allows those of us with remaining vision to overcome barriers we cannot with low vision, especially when it is deteriorating, even slowly. I learned braille as an adult and wish fervently I had learned it as a child. I watch my friends who have read braille since they were first in school sail through a book, read a menu aloud, or give a speech reading verbatim, and I am awed and just a wee bit jealous. Braille, even as slow as I read it, has been a great benefit in my life, both personally and professionally, but I will never read braille as well as I would like to. Tools that eliminate limits are empowering, if we simply embrace them.


Re: Why I Resisted Learning Braille



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Re: Why I Resisted Learning Braille



Thanks for your comment, Neva - I do wonder how different life would be in terms of reading if I had sailed into braille without such personal prejudice - coping with the diagnosis was enough at that time, taking on the image as well? That was too much...but now, I am so very proud of my 'blind-life' - just missing the ability to read braille...at the moment!


Re: Why I Resisted Learning Braille



Man I could relate to this article. When I was young child,I refused to learn braille because I have a little bit of sight and I thought it was too hard to learn. I love her that all changed when I was in high school and I took in 10th and 11th grade year working as a teachers aide with the first-graders at my blind school for on the job training. I felt bad That I didn’t know Braille Because I had a hard time working with the totally students. I also felt to have bad that I couldn’t be connected to students who were blind from glaucoma that I may have worked with at the time. As a result, I wanted to learn braille and I started asking my friends who were blind and partially sighted to help me. My friend and mentor Ted Hart who my event at the national Federation for the blind really change my outlook on Braille because he reminded me that I need Braille too because I have glaucoma, A progressive eye condition that could possibly take my sight.So, I want to be prepared for what could happen in my life. I also need Braille When I become a teacher for the visually impaired. Thanks to my friends who are blind or visually impaired, I have a lot of brill materials to practice with in order to get better and be a great teacher for the blind. I take time out of my day, to practice for 30 minutes. Braille has really made me more confident In myself and ready for what could happen. I am also not afraid of Blindness from glaucoma because I would already know Braille Really well and the Blindness skills I learned through the years From my blind community.


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